Mindfulness, Mindful Action & the pervasive culture of "niceness"
Three years ago, I wanted to create a space specifically for Dietitians to generate a sense of community, as well as creating energy around ways we can shake sh*t up both in our culture, and in our profession. To be clear, “my crew” are Health At Every Size® folx from all over the globe, a fierce & fabulous bunch of pot-stirrers who keep my own world level on a daily basis. Back then, as a long(ish) term mindfulness practitioner and, at the time, newly minted yoga teacher, “The Mindful Dietitian” felt like an apt name for this fledgling business. And as we have progressed, I’ve noticed that mindfulness (as a practice) and mindfulness (as actions) need some attention. So here we go……
Mindfulness as both a practice, and an action. It’s more than “sit in silent contemplation on a cushion” or “eat food slowly & taste the flavours” (although it can involve both of these things too). As a practice, mindfulness is an active, present moment, non judgemental state of awareness in the spirit of curiosity. It’s also a type of “brain training” if you like. But more than that, mindfulness offers us powerful ways to come into contact with our experiences as they are happening which invite us to consciously utilise our energy. Let’s take an example; mindfulness does not say “if you notice you are angry, try breathing into it so you are less angry. The world does not want you see you angry.” That is not mindfulness. That is patriarchy. And it’s extremely harmful, particularly to womxn* and marginalised people. Instead, mindfulness invites us to notice emotions like anger as powerful signals that something is not right. And develop skills to direct anger in ways that do not directly cause harm to us, others or the world but set firm and clear boundaries, to stand up for what is right & contribute to the world being a fairer place for all people, and most importantly for those who experience marginalisation, prejudice and oppression.
Mindfulness should never be confused with “niceness.” I say this because several times people have said to me “I thought this was the mindful dietitian! This is not very mindful!” To be clear, niceness is not the same as kindness. Niceness is the particular behaviour particularly demanded of womxn which clearly states “DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT. YOUR STRONG OPINIONS ARE NOT NEEDED THANKYOU. PLEASE DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE. DON’T BE SO AGGRESSIVE.” Etc etc. I’m sorry (not sorry), but our strong opinions, our voices, are needed more than ever. We can be kind, and assertive. We can be clear, firm & loving. That is mindfulness in action.
In fact, I would argue that “niceness” and the “4P’s” (that’s for another post) of perfectionism, productivity, people pleasing and performing actually perpetuates the very structures we are trying to dismantle.
So with this in mind, let’s drill down on this a little more.
We are sitting in a meeting and a colleague makes a disparaging remark about the body of another colleague, or a patient. Using our mindfulness skills, we may notice that our energy has shifted. We may notice a tightness and heat rising in our chest, our heart beating & jaw clenched. If we are womxn, our social conditioning – particularly if our colleague is a man – will try to silence us and lead us to feel like speaking up is dangerous, and forbidden. And sometimes it is, which is something to consider in that moment (and again requires mindfulness to assess). A mindful action could be one of a number of things, all of which are preceded by a curious noticing of our experience. One mindful action may be to bring the comment to attention with a brief, clear question or comment such as “Can we please be respectful when we are speaking about the bodies of others? Everyone deserves respect, especially from us as health professionals…” Please note: Mindful actions are not always “speak up, step up!!” This requires skill, and practice but yes over time we may be aiming to move in this direction, particularly if we are highly privileged ourselves. If no one says anything, nothing changes. Another mindful action may be to offer ourselves compassion if this moment feels quite unsafe. Another mindful action may be to sit and consider what we would like to say, then loop back to the person who made the comment at a time after the meeting. Mindful actions do not seek to ignore, avoid or attach to our experience, but to thoughtfully assess moments with a clear mind and brave heart.
A powerful way we can utilise mindfulness is in the setting of clear boundaries, communicating what is OK, and not OK with us to others. We can stay steady in saying “no” rather than being drawn into a familiar and perhaps non-consentual “yes” (a good example of this is being weighed with full consent). We can become more familiar with what it feels like to be responsive to our needs. We can also become more resonant with the signals others are offering us, in ways which enhance our capacity to respond from a thoughtful place, rather than getting drawn into that good old place we are probably all very familiar with - “fixing.”
(If you would like to dig into some more work on mindfulness, you can find a short introduction to Mindfulness for Dietitians here.)
And just for now, I will stand steady in my own little corner of the internet and offer this:
*”womxn” is a term we can used to signal inclusivity of our transgender communities. It’s a small way we can contribute to conversations which elevate everyone’s humanity.